Do Not Disturb Review

Do Not Disturb (A Deanna Madden Novel Book 2) - A.R. Torre

Before I get throng-fucked by fans, you should know that I thoroughly enjoyed the first book in the Deanna Madden series. I'm not a "hater". I truly wanted to enjoy this book. I liked the idea of a cam-girl who has locked herself away from the world due to her homicidal tendencies. I didn't see it going past one book (oddly enough, the author admits in the afterword that she didn't either), but was still looking forward to the sequel. I knew this was a one-trick pony, but I ignored my gut instincts and plunged in anyway.

First and foremost, I must bitch about the cliched bad guy. Marcus is your average rich fuck who likes beating and raping women. He goes to prison for a while, and then is released and put on house arrest. The first half of the book is a literal countdown to the day when he can come and go as he pleases. I've seen this character in episodes of Dexter, CSI, Law and Order, and even an episode of Murder She Goddamn Wrote. I'm sure Sherlock Holmes once took on this archetype.

Secondly, Deanna is a true and utter bore this time around. The sexual content is tepid and, at times, completely laughable. I actually chuckled out loud during several of the supposedly "hot scenes", scenes that seem to have been written by a thirteen-year-old boy who just found out what the word "cunt" means.

Thirdly, there's this major build-up going on throughout the book only for the action to fizzle and die like a dud firework. The fuse is lit, and its burning away. It reaches the tube where the black powder is stored and then... PFFffftt. The end of this book is about as satisfying as farting and filling your pants with something akin to chocolate pudding. Such a let down, and embarrassing for everyone involved.

Last but not least, I'll leave you with a quote from the book. I rarely ever quote, but this line was so laugh-worthy and awkward that I had to stop reading and post about it:

"This beautiful creature with the balls of a giant."

Listen, I know what the author meant, but that line... that line is fucking hilarious. Yes, Deanna is gorgeous and brave, but all I could picture was a unicorn with a hefty sack a'swinging 'tween its legs. To and fro... back and forth... SWANG DAT BASKET, HUMPTY!

In summation: This is well-written cliched garbage. Torre says in the afterword that she prefers this book to the first one. I guess it's true what they say: Your own farts smell the best.

Final Judgment: Like reading Dexter with Cinemax After Dark playing in the background.