Ape House DNF Review

Ape House - Sara Gruen

DNF @ 203 pages out of 306. I'm only rating it because I made it over halfway. The ending could blow my mind, and I still couldn't forgive its bloated-ass middle.

Do you know how fucking boring a book has to be for me to put it down past the halfway point? The past fifty pages have been nothing but he went here and did this and people explaining why the show is failing. All my fucks are bottle up and nary a drop to drink.

Everything interesting in this book is described better in the synopsis than in the actual book. Better that you should imagine how cool a book about a reality show involving sexually adventurous great apes would be than to actually read this tedious piece of author masturbation. Loads and loads of character descriptions about people not essential to the scene much less the plot. Loads of food porn and exposition. Not even in the same country as Gruen's first novel, Water for Elephants. This book is in Bullshitistan, bordering on Fucksville, population zero.

On top of all that, not one of the characters is likable to the point I want to see them succeed or dislikable to the point where I want something bad to happen to them. The best part of the book is the apes, but they've only have 20-maybe-30 pages of screen time, as it were.

In summation: I'm done. The second chapter was damn well written, and then it was all downhill after that. This book writes so many checks the author cannot cash. Great concept ruined by meandering prose from someone who obviously likes to read her own rambling thoughts. This one's getting traded in.

Final Judgment: I'd rather go to the zoo and have apes fling shit and semen in my face.