Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Review

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - J.K. Rowling

You know how this goes. I hate a book, and then I write a ranty review trashing said book. Well, friends and neighbors, I'm not up to the task this time. I so completely and utterly loathed this book that I can't even be bothered to be bring the snark. This novel is a time sink and I refuse to waste too much time reviewing it. I hate that I spent almost a month of my life reading it. In fact, I read The Last Temptation of Christ while reading this, and I actually wanted to read the Christ book more than I wanted to read about Potter. And I'm a fucking atheist.

After the near-constant action of GOBLET, I expected more from this one. What I got was 800 pages of "Let me tell you ALL THIS so I can set up the next two books" and 70 pages of shit actually happening (the dementors at the beginning and the final fight). Somewhere in the middle of all this is this chick named Umbridge who is really good at being insufferable. You know she's going to get hers in the end because this is a Harry Potter book, so it's no surprise when she gets her comeuppance. At this point, I would have much rather seen her take over the school permanently and the students continuing their education in a fucking cave... or something else unpredictable. I was so ready for something different that I cheered when a main character died. I almost gave this an extra star because Rowling killed off this character, but I changed my mind. That one scene doesn't make up for the rest of this tedious attempt to fulfill her promise of a seven book series.

In summation: If it wasn't for my goddamned OCD I would never have finished this. And yes, I plan to continue torturing myself by reading the next two books. Not because I have to know what happens, but because I have to finish. If you're obsessive compulsive, you'll understand.

Final Judgment: I'd rather read the Bible.