Lornographic Material

I'm gonna go ahead and say what everyone else is thinking.

Chuck Palahniuk is the M. Night Shamalamadingdong of literature. And this book, ladies and gentlemen, is his Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Beautiful You is a godawful, unfunny joke of a book. I understand Chuck was going after the Fifty Shade andTwilight books with guns blazin', but this assassination mission was an utter failure. In fact, it pains me to say this, but ... Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey (what little I read of them) were better overall experiences.

As of this book, the ratio of Palahniuk books I love versus the ones I downright fucking hate is 50/50. Where the fuck did Chuck store his witty sense of humor? Who stole his relevant social commentary and on-point dialogue? How did he become such a parody of his former self? I refuse to believe this is the same guy I once idolized. This cannot be the same author who wrote Invisible Monsters and Choke.

Sex toys bringing on the end of the world could have been fucking amazing in this author's hands, but Chuck didn't give two shits about his plot, characters, and dialogue. Instead, we're given a book even worse than Pygmy.

I cannot believe I just wrote those words...

I hovered between two and three stars until the scenes in the cave. Everything involving the Baba reminded me of a Mad TV skit written by a prepubescent boy with only the vaguest idea of what sex and humor are. It's been a long time since I read prose and dialogue this bad. I wouldn't have been a bit surprised if I had finished the book and closed it to find someone had replaced my Chuck Palahniuk book with a novel written by the stars of Duck Dynasty.

In summation: I'm one or two more failures away from giving up on Palahniuk. He's lost much of what I loved about his writing. Subtle, witty social commentary has been replaced by sex jokes for troglodytes. Stay the fuck away from this one.

Final Judgment: Fifty Shades of Grey fan fiction.