Dune Review

Dune - Frank Herbert

After 21 days, I am back from Arrakis. I have sand crammed into every orifice, and my stillsuit smells of three-week-old swampy man ass. Think papermill with a side of skunk ape and we'll be on the same page. Yummy. If I never see another beach in my life, it'll be too goddamn soon.

Bet you think that means I disliked this book, huh? Well, probably not, because you saw my rating, but whatever. Anyfloop, I dug the shit out of this book, and my opening comments are why. I was utterly transported to this sandy bastard of a planet, and while it wasn't always fun, it was always an escape. Some sections go on way too long, but I only realized how little the information-to-story-progression ratio was once I finished certain chapters. Although, while I was reading them, I honestly didn't notice. In hindsight, yeah, this book is heavy, but it's a sexy kinda heavy, like Ashley Graham in Sports Illustrated. All the right worldbuilding in all the right places.

(I'll wait here while you Google "Ashley Graham Sports Illustrated". I know I'll have to wait longer for the dudes and the ladies who dig ladies to "come" back, but that's all right. Have fun. Just don't get any on your chins.)

I think I am one of the only people on this third rock from the sun that hasn't a) seen the movie version of this book, or b) read this mammoth-sized motherfucker of a novel. My mother loves the movie. She's seen it a hundred times, if not more, but I never could get into it. The floating, bubbling fat man always put me off. Now that I have even more to go on concerning Baron Harkonnen, I find him even more disgusting. The Baron is all about that booty. That underaged-boy booty, and me thinks his neck is deserving of a crysknife.

Being that I enjoy a bit of the ol' strum strum, I think my favorite character throughout the entire book was Gurney Halleck. He's a wicked talented basilet player, yo, and one hell of a dedicated, honorable individual. I enjoyed his storyline the most, especially when I legitimately thought he was about to cut a chick. Such a harrowing scene, and such a long time coming. I'm glad it turned out the way it did, but for a minute there, I wouldn't have minded had it went the other way.

Paul was probably my least favorite character, as he played the "Chosen One" role and I'm not a fan of that storyline. Never have dug the people who turn instant badass due to prophecy. That being said, it didn't detract from my experience. Paul, in my opinion, was simply the weakest link.

And finally, every scene with a worm in it fucking rocked, but my favorite worm scene has to be the first one, where Duke Leto decides to save the spice miners. I saw that scene so clearly in my head. Man, that was fantastically written.

In summation: I can see why Dune has withstood the test of time and maintained the label of one of the "Best Science Fiction Books in Existence." Herbert handled third-person omniscient stunningly well, and I was never confused while reading, as can be the case with some authors. What a terrific experience, and many thanks to Athena Shardbeaer for the recommendation. I likely never would have picked this up otherwise.

Final Judgment: Fear is the motherfuckin' mind killer, yo.