Lornographic Material

This is one of those rare times I hate reviewing review copies. Crown Publishing sent me this book in exchange for an honest opinion and that's the only reason I'm bothering to review this at all. If I don't review it, they won't send me another book. Simple as that.

Life is too short to read the same shit over and over and over...SIRENS is the worst kind of thriller. You have you cliched cop, your sultry vixen, your rich asshole, your blah  blah blah...

The-Patterson-cut-to-another-chapter-in-the-middle-of-a-thought bullshit annoys me. There's no reason for it. Complete your thought and action and leave us in a compelling place before moving on. There's literally a chapter in this book where the author describes a building and that's it. New chapter. This is done to give you a false sense of making progress. "Oh, wow, I've read twenty chapters in a sitting!" We'll, that's easy when the chapters are a page long. I'd say two pages, but they start half a page down and end on the backside with half a page blank. I feel sorry for the poor trees who gave their lives to print this.

There's nothing wrong or new with the writing. It's serviceable to a fault. I hate writing like that. The exact bare minimum. No style. Just words in the proper order. You couldn't pick this author's writing out of a lineup of all the genre writers if the book had his name on it.

In summation: I'm giving it two stars because there's absolutely nothing wrong with the writing. If you're a fan of paint-by-numbers noir thrillers, give it a go. Don't expect anything new.

Final Judgment: Thank fuck this was free.